Releasing Your DRAMA to the Universe
When I initially put this topic out to be discussed in the Zen Den, I’m not exactly sure I knew what I was going to talk about. That’s usually the way things come together in my life. Not long after releasing the summer list of topics we would be diving into, I was introduced to an amazing book by my dear friend and spiritual healer, Ashley O’Connell titled “It’s Not Your Money” by Tosha Silver.
Now this book is about so much more than just money. But the title reigns you in because honestly, who doesn’t want a little bit more money and in turn more freedom to do, give, share, help? It is really about developing a working relationship with God, Creator, the Universe, Divine Beloved (whatever handle works for you). And about realizing you aren’t alone in this earth experience.
In the same way that Tosha teaches us to release our money worries to Creator, we too can release our drama.
We all experience drama of some sort in life. It is part of the lived experience and they are most often the biggest teachers in our lives.
We usually can’t control what is going on in our external environment. The only thing that we CAN control is our reaction to them; how we respond externally and how we feel internally. Most often we don’t align the two and that in itself is a problem.
How often have you said to someone that has offended you, “Oh that’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” Meanwhile you are seething inside. Sound familiar?
We are effectively creating unease and eventually dis-ease within ourselves. Our conscious self (let’s call it our ego) and our subconscious self (let’s think of it as our soul) are not in alignment.
We cannot live our best lives if we are constantly showing up in the universe in this way because we are essentially creating our own inner conflict or DRAMA.
Can you think of a time when you felt one way but presented in another way? How did it make you feel?
What do I mean by the term drama?
Drama usually starts with an exciting, emotional or unexpected series of events. For example it could be a car accident, a neighbour having an affair with another neighbour, you having a knock 'em down drag' em out fight with your best friend. That feels like drama. Right?
The real drama begins when you don’t let the event start and finish where and when it was. You find yourself still talking about it 5 years later. Or feeling sorry for yourself even a decade later because of the thing that was done to you. (Maybe you were the jilted neighbour.)
You start living in the drama all of the time. You start not only identifying with the drama. You let the drama become your identity.
What’s really interesting as you walk this enlightened, spiritual, healing path is that it gets easier to see your own stuff. Some might think, “That is awesome.” and it kinda is. BUT sometimes I’m like, “OMG I can’t even stand myself right now. I’m eating, breathing and sleeping drama and am so self aware”.
Drama can be addictive. Why? Because it gets you attention. The more you tell the story, the more reactions you get. Maybe you get sympathy. OMG poor you. How did you survive that? You’re so brave. You’re so strong.
Do you see what I mean? And maybe unconsciously you don’t know you are doing this but your inner child is craving that attention.
Huh? I have an inner child?
Your inner child isn’t a “childlike personality.” It's the part of your subconscious mind that experienced and still remembers your childhood moments and emotions, both good and bad.
Inner child work teaches you to parent and nurture your wounded inner child.
Painful early experiences often stick with you into adulthood — from being yelled at by a teacher or rejected by playmates to experiencing childhood trauma. You might even feel “stuck” at the age of trauma, unable to move on emotionally without first processing your past.
“Inner child work is the process of re-parenting the ‘little you’ that was neglected, abused, or abandoned during childhood.
“It’s during the early years of childhood — 0 to 9 years — that you learn about emotions, safety, and who you are in the world and form connections.”
When an experience feels unsafe at that age and no adult steps in to offer comfort, the pain and shame can linger for years to come.
Have you ever seen someone reacting to something in an absolutely ridiculous way and you think what the heck is wrong with them? It’s not them reacting, it is their wounded inner child. They just aren’t doing the work to release him or her.
You Might be Living Your Drama because of Fear!
This example I took from the LIVING BOLDLY Presentation that I offered at the Orillia Public Library this past winter.
Oftentimes, it is the fear of change that keeps you from moving forward and flourishing into a place of FAITH. Fear that you aren’t good enough, that you aren’t enough. In this fear there is absolutely no contentment. And this unsettled feeling leads to anxiety, which leads to stress and eventually if you aren’t careful sickness. The body and mind cannot stay in fight or flight mode all of the time.
Your actions and responses show you where you are giving away your energy and where fear is actively affecting your life.
For example, if you are complaining about something, you are procrastinating from taking action to make the situation better. You are afraid to make the change. You are complacent with the devil that you know.
However, sometimes sitting in fear unconsciously gets you attention and that can be quite intoxicating. Here’s an example:
Me: Oh my gosh Karen, you’re really limping. Are you okay? That looks painful. Is it your knee or your hip?
Karen: Oh it’s my hip. My doctor has told me that I need a hip replacement but I don’t know. I’m really leery of anesthetic. My great Aunt Mary had a surgery back in 1942 and she just never woke up. So I feel like it‘s a family thing.
Me: Oh dear. I think you would probably be okay now. Medicine has come a long way and hip surgeries are great. Lots of my students have had them.
Karen: Oh I know but my neighbour’s brother-in-law had hip surgery and he couldn’t walk at all after. So I’m really afraid to end up worse off than I am now.
***
Okay so a few things here Karen is really scared whether her reasons are valid or not, her fight or flight is firing.
The other thing is, Karen lives by herself, just her 12 cats. She is lonely, and I just spent 10 minutes talking to her about her hip. Unconsciously, she is getting what she needs from her fear.
There is no conscious reason for her to set down her DRAMA because it is giving her what she needs. Attention and in her mind friendships. Or at the very least interactions with other humans.
Okay so why do we stay in our drama? We covered a few potential reasons ~
The attention it cultivate
The need inner child
Fear
Can you identify your own drama right now that you might be “lingering” in?
Since it’s easier to see other people’s stuff… Do you have a friend or acquaintance that you can very quickly identify as living in their drama? It’s like they are ona spotify loop that just keeps replaying?
It doesn’t make you a bad person to have drama. It makes you human.
This tip might help…
Someone once said to me, if you tell a story more than 3 times, you are no longer looking for a resolution, it’s no longer healthy discussion, you have started identifying as the story. You and it have become one. Why? Because you are getting something from it that you subconsciously need.
Okay so we have covered the reasons why we may be having a difficult time releasing our drama but the downside to living in drama all of the time is that it is usually NEGATIVE and TOXIC and hardly worth the attention it might be getting you.
If you keep telling a story again and again because it gets you attention, you start living the original emotions again and again. They could be painful, heartbreaking emotions. Not really ones that you want to keep reliving.
You might be throwing yourself into fight or flight everytime you talk about it and that is so unhealthy. Especially as mature 50~ish women we are hormonally challenged enough. We don’t need to throw an extra cup or two of adrenaline on top of it all.
So what if you weren’t alone?
What if you didn’t have to endure the drama all on your own?
What if you exchanged your drama story with happiness, success, love, friendship, joy, peace, calm?
Wouldn’t that feel better than constantly living in the conflict of drama?
(What is your “higher power” word? God, love, creator, universe? Whatever it is, please insert it below. I switch mine up all of the time.)
What if you could offer your drama to the Divine? What if you didn’t have to carry it around all by yourself.
Think about giving your Drama up just for a minute. How does that feel? (Weirdly even though on paper it should feel good, it might not right away. If it’s a story you’ve been making your own for a long time this will take some practice..)
But try again, imagine offering your drama to God and then just standing back and feeling the lightness, the freedom, of being free of it. Or at the very least the support of dealing with it or of letting it go.
When you envision offering your drama you might say:
Example taken from the talented Tosha Silver:
I give this DRAMA fully to you. Please make me open and show me the right actions. And if there’s not currently a solution please at least let me accept this for now and make clear what I need to learn.
When you offer your drama to a higher power, there is this lovely feeling that you aren’t the only one responsible any more. Kind of like handing a big responsibility over to your boss.
When you set down this drama, something incredible happens. When you aren’t living in those negative emotions, you can clear your mind and you begin having inspired and creative thoughts. You might come up with a solution to a problem that has been bothering you forever or you might come up with a new business idea that will allow you to travel just as much as you want to.
Because your mind will no longer be looping in panic, lack, worry, fear, and negativity, everyday will begin to feel lighter and brighter.
When you aren’t telling your doom and gloom story, you begin to focus on things that you feel grateful for. They were there all of the time, you just couldn’t see them.
You will begin to experience synchronicities. Amazing things happen just when you need them. And suddenly this momentum keeps building and your life just keeps getting better and better because the more you focus on the positive and beautiful aspects of life, the more you will receive. You will begin to thrive every single day rather than just once a quarter. Life will be amazing and you won’t feel alone. Because you are being divinely supported.
You released your drama to the universe and created space for magic to happen.
So, what do you choose? Drama or the opportunity to Live Your BEST Life?